Another sleepless night
August 26, 2004
I've been having bouts of insomnia again lately. Though...I guess I can't really call it insomnia because eventually I do sleep, I just get very nervous right before getting in bed, and that makes it really hard to fall asleep.
Anyway, here I am just sort of waiting till I'm absolutely exhausted. I want to write about seeing Farenheit 9/11, but I have a lot of thoughts on that that I need to organize. Gimme a minute...
In the meantime, all you cynics should check out ratherbored's latest entry. It'll make you laugh. Like I say in my profile, I wish I had been that cool when I was 14....
Also, I just read an article that says even though you should work out whenever is best for you (because that is better than not working out at all), supposedly the afternoon is the best time overall to work out. I feel pathetically vindicated.
***
Ok, so I've been antsy all week, after seeing F911. Let me just lay it out right here before I start--I am not a huge fan of Michael Moore. He reminds me too much of activists who ultimately disappoint me because, even though they are doing a "good" thing, it somehow turns out that their motives are not as genuine as I would wish them to be.[I am thinking in particular of a certain bongo player on whom I had a huge crush for quite some time, and I am looking right at *you* Sgt. Dan. While he did a lot of wonderful things, he ultimately just wanted to end up on the front page of some newspaper being arrested, and he got what he wanted. And it was a damn good picture too] Anyway...why should I care what the motives of these people are, or if they are genuine? I don't know. I just do.
However, I do recognize that these activists, Mr. Moore among them, are the vehicle by which I am able to see the issues I want to see addressed on a large scale, until I can do so myself (I can address the issues I mean, just not as far-reachingly as other can).
And with that, I have to say that I...appreciated F911. It wasn't a great..filmumentary (?), but it had some fantastic moments. I can't gush over it, because honestly nothing in it suprised me. It did sort of organize for me some facts and figures I'd heard here and there, and for that it was fantastic. It showed me some heart-rending footage that I've been avoiding for a while [Arab media tends to show all the gory stuff they don't like to show in the West], and it reminded of how sickened and upset I am about the war. About all war. About the fact that people can be so shitty to each other, so thoughtless, and for that reminder I am thankful. Sometimes, a lot of the time actually, I just put myself on automatic pilot, and after spending a day at work translating (and therefore reading) minute-by-minute articles on the atrocities that take place in the world, I sometimes don't want to deal. This film made me want to deal. It made me antsy in a reall fucking good way, and it made me remember that my favorite thing to do is just do shit with my hands. To do shit and to get involved. I want to get involved, and in an effort to do so I have been more intently following election coverage. For months I have been telling myself that I would do this, and this film made me do this. And for that it is great.
On the other hand, my sister's fiance-who accompanied my sister and me to the cinema-hated it. He hated the fact that it was told from a white, mid-western perspective (my words, not his) which ultimately made the Arabs out to be either money-grubbing assholes and/or terrorists (the Saudis) or weak and helpless (the Iraqis). We talked about the fact that this film wasn't made for "us", and I talked about the fact that if this film can change the minds of even a few Americans, change their minds so that they turn away from Bush, if not vote for Kerry in the upcoming election then it's good enough for me.
Politics is something I tend to avoid discussing in depth except with some very, very close friends. That's because to me politics is extremely personal. Even more personal to me in some ways than other "personal" things. Having said that, I tend to avoid discussing politics at all with one of my dearest and closest friends because I know that it will be hard for me to stomach what he has to say. Though I've known him just shy of 6 years now, I still can't quite grasp his overarching view on life. He is one of the kindest people I know, yet his politics are some of the harshest. The dichotomy gets me every time, and I always wonder how he can love me, and genuinely love my culture like he does, yet support policies and policy-makers who are doing everything in their power to screw us over? It doesn't make sense to me, but maybe that's something I should finally get up the courage to discuss it with this dear friend.
....
I'm starting to drift off.
I had other things I wanted to say.
But I guess they'll just wait for another time.
Good night everyone.