No, really, I'm the Rhoda.
July 02, 2004
Back in the halcyon years (well they were for me) of early high school I was, for a very brief period, part of the very �in� crowd. Now, to be fair, my little old high school in Kuwait was not very cliquey, and other than the extreme outcasts (who were few, as I recall) not many people were ridiculed or disliked. However, it was still pretty clear in our tiny class of 85 people who the �cooler� more desired people were, and who the less cool people were. The first semester of my sophomore year I was hanging out with a slightly new crowd due to a falling out (that was pretty much in my head, mind you) with some older friends. Mini had had a falling out earlier with these same friends and so together we sort of migrated. Our new little crowd included a Corpus Christi beauty named Heather. She was the first of my friends to lose her virginity, which she did that year, and she lost it to the boy who would later be voted best looking in our senior class. This boy was/is one of the best arguments for cross-cultural breeding I�ve seen yet. But anyway� TSHQ (said hottie�s real nickname) was sort of the tall, silent leader of the gang of 4 or 5 boys who liked to call themselves the Foul Mouth Posse (FMPs for short). I kid you not folks, these were the coolest boys in our grade � they were good looking and/or rich, and they were wild, but they weren�t very creative. In any case, Mini, our Venezuelan girlfriend, Faby, and I spent a lot of time hanging out with the FMPs that year on account of Heather�s �relationship� with TSHQ, and on account of the fact that we were bored a lot, and they were always up to something. Eventually, the boys started coming to us for advice about girls they wanted to get with, or to ask us what we knew about said girls, and if we could chat them up on their behalf. One day, someone � it must have been Mini cause she�s the funny one � dubbed us the FM Pimps for all the help in getting girls we gave the boys. See, we weren�t the pretty, dumb girls they wanted to get with, we were the girls that all the boys loved to be friends with � and we felt pretty cool about it at the time.
And here I am, nearly 10 years (oh, Jeebus) later and I find myself in pretty much the same position. I�ve never had a problem being the boys� best friend. In fact, I�ve always liked being like that � being able to be close to guys without having it get too sticky for either one of us. But for some reason lately, I�ve been feeling like if one more guy calls me �sis� and tells me I�m his best female friend I may just have to hurt him. Or vomit. On his shoes.
Now, the fact that I am in this situation again is pretty much all my fault. PG has a huge crush on Mini. It�s been obvious from the start. When we were at the beach a couple of weekends ago, someone said we looked like brother and sister (uh, I don�t see it. I'm hot. He's English). Realizing, as I did at the time, that PG had a thing for Mini I took to that designation pretty quickly, sort of emphasizing it so that PG wouldn�t think at any time that I had a thing for HIM (which I really don�t). In any case, we now fondly refer to each other as brother and sis, and it�s all dandy. Great. Fantastico. The problem is that some of the other guys in our �circle� have followed his lead. This past Wednesday we all went out clubbing (till the sun rose, baby!) and two, TWO other guys made some sort of brotherly/ sisterly comment to me. And one of these guys? I could actually see myself liking. Yeah. But both of these guys? Most likely have a thing for Mini.
Now, I don�t want to be misunderstood here at all. I am not begrudging Mini her current good fortune with the boys. God knows that she went through some very dry years herself. What I�m not enjoying very much is this feeling that because I am not as feminine, or as �haute couture� as a lot of the girls here, that I will always be an FM Pimp. The Rhoda, not the Mary. The bridesmaid, never the bride (uh, not that I want to get married anytime in the next 10 years, but you get the idea).
And I just don�t know what to do about this. On the one hand, I�m not interested in fitting into this mould that all the girls here (and everywhere, really) seem to have to fall into in order to be considered attractive and dateable. I mean, I don�t even really want to be dateable, because dating right here, and now is just too much of a hassle. On the other hand, I wouldn�t mind being fancied, a lot, by some boy that I could possibly fancy back, even if I do nothing about it. I would love it if some boy wanted to impress me, instead of confide in me; hold me, instead of lean on me; call me to hear my voice instead of message me for advice (about some other girl).
And that�s where I am right now. A little embarrassed by this realization/admission � but not so much so that it�ll keep me from whining about it.
You lucky bastards, you.