"Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock"
December 14, 2004
Woo!!! I ignore Diaryland for one day and suddenly I have all these picture requests. Awesome [Jing, I, in fact, did not see your 5 requests]. I�ll work on it. In the meantime, here�s a pic for Notorious. I�m not exactly dancing to Jimmy Eat World�this is a picture taken on PG�s camera phone months ago (on my birthday actually) when they got me just tipsy enough so that I grabbed a friend�s walking stick and started belly dancing with it. It is a night my friends will never let me live down. And not in a good way. Um, I like to think that I�m not actually this�.lumpy. I blame the poor picture quality of PG�s camera:
I was shaking them hips fast.
So...life continues to be uneventful but happy. I went out on Friday night to a bar/restaurant I�d never been to before. It was nice since we were all in a really light-hearted mood and just making fun of each other. Uh, and the two old men at the next table who looked exactly like Santa Claus and a typical orthodox Rabbi. It was a really funny sight to see, but I guess you had to be there.
We are trying to convince my brother to just stay here for college and forget about going back to Miami, and he actually seems to be warming up to the idea. In the end we will support him in whatever he chooses to do, but we of course all selfishly want him to stay near. (Ah, yes, the hypocrisy on my part.) Anyway, I only mention it because on Thursday I went and picked up an application for him for the American University. Last night, as I flipped the application booklet over while handing it to my brother, I saw that there was a picture on the back, of the crush I mentioned many entries back. I got kind of giddy and took in to show to my sister since I�ve told her about him a few times. She was taking a nap, but in her half-awake state she looked at the picture and said, "Oh! He really is pretty." Later, when she really woke up she said, "I meant pretty cute." My sister and I usually do not agree on looks. She, like many Egyptian women, thinks that women should be model skinny and men should be broad and muscular. I pretty much think the opposite. Men should be skinny and slightly toned, if at all, and women should be broad and curvy, though not muscular or fat. Just not model skinny.
Anyway, I had vivid dreams about the crush�let�s call him Fred�all last night. But it was odd. The dreams just made Fred seem really stupid and uninteresting. And truth be told, I�ve already lost most interest I had in him, even though in the past couple weeks I�ve had a couple of encounters where we actually spoke, instead of me just stalking him in the library. (Yes, yes. I have no life.)
I�m having the same problem I�ve been having for the past couple of years...ever since I was unceremoniously dumped by someone who I had (unrealistically, I know) started to think I could spend the rest of my life with. It�s not that I�m afraid of being dumped again. It�s that I don�t want to bother getting to know and care about someone new, especially when I now have such a great relationship with said Dumper. After a couple of months where I did not want to talk to or be friends with The Dumper we started up a relationship again which was very, very different from what our relationship had been before, but which I realize now is great, maybe even better than what we had when we were actually a couple. I can�t even comprehend my life without the closeness that we have now, and I know that if I were to start seeing someone else, even casually, the dynamic we have now would have to change, right? And I worry, because I have to wonder if I still harbor the hope that one day we will get back together, even though for now and the foreseeable future I am HERE and he is THERE, and that doesn�t seem like it�s going to change anytime soon. I think I am still "too young" to even think about settling down, but then again, as Gwen Stefani keeps asking me, "What you waiting for?" (other than for me to stop being HERE and him THERE). On the other hand, I�m still very curious about other guys out ther...I mean I haven�t (emotionally) been with anyone other than him for almost four years. Part of me thinks (knows?) that we both need to bust out and be with other people, even if we will eventually end up together, just to, I don�t know, get it out of our systems. Yet, whenever I even consider someone else I get turned off pretty quickly. Hmm, heavy stuff.
In other bizarre, but oddly happy, news cheers to Ms. Dolo and the Palestinian for trying again. On the one hand, it is crazy news, but on the other it has at least me grinning from ear-to-ear every time I think about it. I hope things work out well this time around.
Next time: Pictures to please my apparently non-reading public. :-p