What have I been up to lately?
November 09, 2004
Hmm. Aside from uselessly updating this diary on a much more regular basis lately, I've started corresponding again with an ex-friend. In fact, you could say that this friend is my first ex-friend, because before him I don't think I can say that I'd actually ever lost and/or given up on a friend before. No, we definitely "broke up", and I think though we were both pretty passive about it, the break-up was ultimately kind of bitter.
So, I guess a few months ago on a whim, I IMed him but he wasn't around and didn't respond, and I subsequently forgot all about it. Shortly thereafter he hunted me down on friendster, and soon after that he asked me for my "regular" email address. After friendster-messaging him my email address I waited for about two months before receiving a nice, long email from him last week. We have emailed back and forth a few times each since then, and in the course of those few emails we've rehashed what went down between us.
I am really starting to wonder if this reopening correspondence thing is a good idea. This is the guy who my friends deemed "creepy" and possibly a "pathological liar" who may or may not have "really really liked me", all of which came to a head when he 1) Dumped me as his friend after asking me out to what I thought was a friendly dinner, 2) Broke into my email account, and 3) Made me out to be the hooker with no heart at all.
Of course, this is how my posse and I see it.
I'm starting to see that the view is SO completely different from his side of things. (Of course, not surprising) But that doesn't change the fact that whereas I really used to trust this guy, I now am extremely wary of him. In the past three+ years since we were last really friends I started to see him in a concerning light. My other friends often told he me he was not trustworthy, and it took me a while to admit it, but I finally agreed with them. However, I decided that it wasn't because he was dishonest or purposely malicious, as many of my mostly-male friends tried to tell me.
He was just delusional.
My evidence for this? For months after finding out about my shameful "secret" crush on Prince William (yeah, I know, me and every other girl in Canada) this friend taunted me by telling me that his younger brother (who was I think two years younger than us) bore a striking resemblance to Wills. Every time I showed him a picture of Wills I would say, "Are you SURE? Your brother looks like THIS?" And every time he would say, "Now I am even MORE convinced that my brother looks so much like him."
He kept telling me that the next time he went home, he'd bring back a picture of his bro. And finally, he did. And his brother? Rather than looking like Prince William bore a striking resemblance to ALF. Yes. That ALF. The alien ALF from the cheesy 80's sitcom ALF. Now, I can see how ALF and Prince William might look alike in that they both have long faces with disproportionately large noses, but I have to say that where Prince William is a hottie ALF (and said friends brother) is, well, not.
The funny thing is my ex-friend still didn't seem to see the disparity after he showed me the picture, and I did ALL I COULD to keep my jaw from hanging so low.
At the time, relations were still good with me and this friend, but in looking back that incident became a defining moment for me. Maybe I am giving him too much credit because I really did love our friendship and I still am able to look back at most of it fondly, but I am convinced that my ex-friend was/is not a pathological liar, he just has really poor vision in all the metaphorical senses of that word.
This doesn't make our current revival of communications any less worrisome for me. I mean, we are not getting too personal about our present lives--just asking the usual questions. But...we are talking a lot about what happened "back then" and both of our responses are pretty typical. And his way of remembering and expressing things does concern me. Let's just say that often, when thinking of him, scenes from American Psycho dance through my head.
I guess it sounds like I should cut things off again with this guy, huh? But then I think what's the harm? He's in New York, and I'm here, and maybe I've got it all wrong and he isn't all that bad.
And it is because of feelings and thoughts like that that I can never forget that I am a girl. A G-to-the-IRL. Because there's absolutely no reason to be so understanding, no matter what did or didn't happen.