Something a little more substantial
August 17, 2004
So I came home early today because I thought I had a dentist appointment. Good thing I called the dentist's office first to see where exactly they're located because as it turns out they didn't have me on the schedule today. This is the third time I've had to reschedule with the same dentist, only one of which was my fault and not his.
In any case, let me talk about my last week, mmkay?
I mentioned in the survey that I'd been in a state of rage all last week due to various wedding and wedding-related events.
Lemme explain.
I have always hated weddings. Or at least I have always thought I did. I have recently realized that maybe it's not all weddings that I hate, just Egyptian weddings. And it's not even the wedding itself that I hate (which I'd always thought was the case) it's all the superstitions surrounding the wedding that I hate. For a long time I thought I hated weddings because I hated the fact that ultimately the wedding becomes not about the two people getting married, but about everyone else who is invited. How could the bride and groom possibly enjoy being put on display? Why would they put themselves through that? You see, Egyptian weddings are not these dainty ceremonies like I always see in movies about western weddings (I have never been to a western wedding so I can't really say for sure). No, they are loud. All your relatives come from all over and bring their ten children and you are expected to sit up on this stage and receive the guests, after spending 45 minutes doing the whole wedding procession from the entrance of the hotel/whatever to the hall where the wedding is being held. The only nice thing about this bit is the fact that bag pipes and drums are traditional, and I love me some bagpipes and drums. You have to make sure you've invited all the right people lest you inadvertently start a feud that will last generations�ok, I exaggerate, but only a little.
I also hate the pressure that exists in Egyptian society for girls to marry. Well, I understand it's not only in Egyptian society, but it has been the only society that has been pressuring me to marry, already telling me that I am getting old for marrying etc. so I associate all that nasty stuff with Egyptian society. And the thing that really always gets to me is that I can't understand how mothers who for the most part have pretty obviously flawed and unhappy marriages are so DYING for their own daughters to get married. What kind of sadism is this?
Indeed.
So that is a little bit of the background to the events of last week, but there is more. Oh there is so much more. But in an effort to not bore my readers to tears I will try to be brief. Last week, this is what was going on:
--The cousin who I am closest to on my dad's side, and with whom I live for 7 months when I was last in Egypt for a semester abroad, was getting married last week. This meant that on Tuesday she had her marriage contract signing ceremony, which was alright because it took place at a mosque and only took about an hour, and was actually kind of touching because my dad was the one who signed on her behalf (you have to have like a guardian, usually not your own father, sign the marriage contract with you), and he was really cute up there.
--On Wednesday, we had an engagement party for my *sister* at our house which meant that we invited all nearby and essential (ie-brothers of mother and father) relatives to our house. My sister is officially engaged, yay! But, I did dread this evening because it meant hours of me being subjected to comments like "don't worry sweetie, your turn will come soon," etc. GAR! Who said? Who said? Do I LOOK like I wanna get married?
--Back to my cousin�Friday was my cousin's henna night, which is basically where all the girls/women get together and henna the bride and themselves and then dance and dance and�ok, have you seen Monsoon Wedding? The part where all the women are sitting outside and singing to Aditi? Ok, it's pretty much exactly like that. I had promised my cousin months ago that I would be there all day with her on her henna day, and that I would really get into it for her etc�Due to some stuff that my mom had to take care of, we barely made it to the henna at all. In fact, we got there right at the tail end and people stayed just for us. Isn't that ridiculous? Well, I was fuming, because you know I rarely say the words "I promise" because I really like to keep my promises (many of you have probably noticed that I'm very non-committal. This is a big part of the reason why), and I was prevented from keeping my promise on Friday through no real fault of my own. It is a really long fucking story, but my mom and I are barely on speaking terms right now.
Moving right along�.
--Saturday was the actual wedding party. An event which I had been dreading all week, but which I dreaded even more because of the fiasco that had happened on Friday. Let me take this moment to explain what I realized I REALLY hate about Egyptian weddings/marriage proceedings: the superstition. I am far from being the third oldest girl after my sister and cousin on my dad's side of the family, but I AM the third oldest girl who is of marrying age and not married or engaged, and everyone outside of my immediate family is deathly afraid of my "evil eye." No, I am not talking about the dirty look I give to those that piss me off, I am talking about the irrational fear of envy that people in Arab society have. Everyone assumes that because I am not betrothed or about to be that I must really envy my cousin and sister, and all are afraid that I will wish evil happenings on them both. This is so far from the truth, but the thing is if I just come out and earnestly tell people, "But I'm in no hurry to be married. Really." They will probably not believe me. People really believe in this evil eye, known as "hassad" in Arabic. I do not. Well, not very much. In short, (as possible!) certain feelings and actions were being imposed on me, and I didn't fucking like it one bit. I dreaded the wedding because there were going to be even more people there reminding me of how much outside of the boundaries of this society I really sometimes am, and reminding me of how little I understand or appreciate the traditions here, and the things that are considered important.
This, for whatever reason, causes me no small amount of anguish, and these feelings almost always come to a head around wedding time.
But you know what? I went to the wedding, and I didn't hate it. No. In fact I kind of enjoyed it, and I found myself wondering what's wrong with waiting till your wedding day to hold the hand of the one you love, let alone go beyond hand-holding. I found myself wondering about all sorts of things I thought I'd laid to rest a long time. (But that is another entry). Most importantly, my cousin seemed to really enjoy her whole wedding, choosing not to follow the traditional rules of Egyptian weddings, and deciding instead to enjoy herself completely. It was great to see her so happy, and having so much fun. It was hilarious to see how her husband couldn't wait to get her away from the wedding so that they could GET! IT! ON! It was touching when they had their first slow dance together, and he kept pulling her closer and closer throughout the dance. It was adorable how he kept unabashedly kissing (on the cheek only, but still this is a big deal for these two conservative folk) her throughout the evening. My cousin seemed really happy, my uncle, her dad was so proud.
And I looked around at all the people, the little girls belly dancing their hips out, the little boys jumping around, the older folk maybe having feelings of the happiness that can come with marriage rekindled, and I found myself wondering what all the fuss had been about. Why had I had myself all tied up in knots all week?
I still don't�like weddings. There is still something about them that I just can't swallow. For some reason they make me crazy, but at least now I'm going to try really hard not to let that ruin my sister's upcoming wedding.