Jingle Jiggle
May 09, 2004
For a girl on a diet, the start of every morning feels like Christmas. No, seriously. It makes sense. Just bear with me. See, every morning you wake up and in those groggy first minutes you start to get the sense that something is different, even special, about today � and then you realize, oh wait, it COULD be you. You could be a little bit thinner. And then, with much the same excitement as a kid rushing to the Christmas tree to shake his gift boxes in order to get a sense of what�s inside, you sort of start to feel for your body, and the musings begin. �Do I detect a little less love in my handle? A little less fluff in my ass? Hmm, my calves are feeling unusually firm and sexy today.� Your stomach feels unbelievably empty, and you�re sure that the roll that sort of hangs over the top of your jeans will be gone today. The excitement lasts until you get up and head over to the scale. Then the doubts begin. �What if I still just weigh the same? (Did I get what I asked Santa for?) What if all this weight I think I�m losing is just water weight? (What if Santa brought what I told him to, but it�s not exactly right?) What if I actually GAINED weight from that extra spoonful of yogurt I had last night? (Santa doesn�t really exist, does he?)� And then you get on the scale, realize that all of yesterday�s suffering yielded a total weight loss of�10 GRAMS, and you think that if one is to believe movies like 21Grams you�d actually be two times more successful if you just up and offed yourself. And then begin the post-holiday blues. (Isn�t there some statistic that says the highest percentage of suicides occur right after the holidays?)
Well, anyway, I�m kidding. It�s really not all that bad. The diet is actually going well, with at least visual success if not actual physical success. On the second day I got compliments on my weight loss from three completely different and unrelated people. So, I don�t actually want to off myself, but I am beginning to get a little impatient with the hunger pangs and the fact that if I�d done a diet like this just 3 years ago I�d be at my target weight already (oy, I�m getting old).
In general though, today has been pretty good. I got up early to head to the gym, had a nice 30 minute jog and by the time I got home and had breakfast my sister, who�s just finished her medical exams was awake and we were making plans to go see Love_Actually_. I�ve been wanting to see that movie since I was in the US, but the one time I sort of attempted to go, I was with Jing and BK and though I remember BK being game I think Jing threw a fit about how he didn�t want to waste his money on some fluff movie he could get for $1 on DVD in China. Or something like that. (Love you Jing! BFF!) So, it was actually a really fun movie and made me nostalgic (if I can say that after having spent maybe a total of 4 weeks there in my entire life) for London. It also made me start thinking � I guess with no help of the recent Bridget Jones binge I�ve been on � that I need to start embracing my more romantic, irrational side. In relationships, though I have no problem making the first sort of �practical� move, I do tend to hold back emotionally, and I definitely hold back on imagining where things will go or how they will end up, ideally. I don�t know if that�s for fear of being hurt, or because I assume that�s the way things should be, but it�s the way I�ve always been. And I think it might be fun to let go sometime, and let myself get completely carried away with my emotions � though God knows I hate drama. It�s something I�ll have to think about, and it�s not like I�m short on time since my romantic prospects as of late are zero, and opportunities to cultivate romantic prospects are close to zero � though I did have an incredible looking cab driver two nights ago, and I ever-so-briefly considered telling him to drive me off into the hills of outer Cairo and have his way with me. Naturally, though I thought better of doing something so dangerous and stupid.
So then�I�m off to fix up my resume, and then tomorrow I will go around to various offices and schools to apply for jobs I�ve been hearing about. Here�s to working toward a more svelte, more quixotic and more employed me.