Should I stay or should I go now?
August 22, 2006
*Sigh*
I�ve been debating for a week or so now whether or not I should open a certain topic up for discussion. In college, my friend Bill once rightly accused me of being the type of person who asks for other people�s advice even though I don�t plan on taking it. Or even though I already know what I plan to do. The problem is I do not trust my instincts though it has been proven to me time and again that my instincts are generally on target. I know this because I almost always go against them, and later learn that it would have been better to do what I initially felt I should do. Hindsight�s a bitch.
Lately, I�ve been worrying that I think my instincts are pushing me towards a decision, when it�s actually not my instinct but impatience and frustration. So, I turn to you all. Please help me make a decision. And I truly will take your thoughts into consideration, just because at this point I really have no idea what to do.
So, as you all know, I�ve decided I definitely want to go to Belfast. I just don�t know if I should do it NOW, or postpone a year. Why would I even consider postponing a year? Because right now I don�t even know if I have the funds to go, thanks in small part to procrastination on my end, but mostly to some royal screw-ups on the part of FAFSA and the University in Belfast. (What�s that you say? You can�t access the online FAFSA forms? And you�re telling me this now? In the first week of August? Oh, ok. Thanks for letting me know in such a timely manner. What�s that you say? You can�t mail the forms directly to the University but have to mail them to me first? Oh, ok. God I love bureaucracy.)
So, in the tradition of Rory Gilmore I have made up pro and con lists for staying and going. The problem is that the cons are generally more weighted than the pros on both lists.
Going
Pros:
� Get the fuck out of here already
� Get on with my life, and get to the next phase
� Saying I will do something and actually doing it (this is a big deal to me)
� Living in Belfast NOW
� Hot boys, new life, etc.
Cons:
� Don�t have the money yet
� Even if I do secure the money it will be in the form of loans which I will eventually have to spend 10-15 years repaying
� Even if I do get the money it might not be quite enough and I will be stressing about that on top of everything else
� Having to hastily wrap things up with my job, family, and friends
Staying
Pros:
� I could apply for scholarships, grants, and other sources of funding which I will not have to repay
� Within 5-6 months I will have finished repaying my father the money I owe him and can then start saving money from my salary
� The events of the last month have shown that my grandmother is not long for this world, and I�d like to be close to her as long as possible
� If I am not in Belfast come September, I will almost definitely make a long overdue trip to the US to visit family and friends
� PG will almost definitely be in the UK come fall of 2007, and it would be nice to have a good friend nearby
� Some big events might be happening soon in Mini�s life and I�d like to be here for that (these last two are not that huge, but still something I consider)
� More time in general to wrap things up here
Cons:
� I want to get on with my life already
� I want to move on and move out already
� I�m not getting any younger
� I might lose my resolve
So there you have it. What do I do? I am taking advice from any and all passersby. In fact, the less you know me, the more objective you will probably be, meaning I am very interested in what you have to say. On the other hand, if you know me well, I believe you will have my best interests at heart, and your advice will mean a lot to me.
So, give it to me. Thanks.